Sep 152011
 

 

Vampires are starting to shit me. Every time I turn on the TV or surf the net I’m inundated by teenage, soul destroying, depressed vampires.

WTF? I mean what is the appeal of this crap? Is it being driven by tweens or sad lonely women sitting at home fantasizing about having their blood sucked by sparkly vampires?

Seriously the book market is inundated with trashy tween vampire stories. They’re the new Mills and Boon for generation X, Y and whatever the hell comes after that. As a writer it kills me to see crap story lines, shallow characters and genuinely shit house novels rolling of the shelves in the thousands. Surely we have to be at the end of this mass-produced twilight bandwagon.

I remember back when vampires were cool. Remember Blade? I know technically he wasn’t full vampire; sunlight didn’t hurt him and all that. The point is, Blade didn’t sparkle. Nope in fact he was the antichrist of sparkly romantic vampires, a muscle bound ninja fuckmaster wielding full-auto firearms, razor sharp katana and a US muscle car that snorted pure testosterone. Nothing even remotely romantic about the destruction he wielded against the blood sucking community.

Sometimes I like to fantasize about being able to take two DVDs, jam them in my Playstation and watch the resulting train smash of entertainment. Putting Blade in with Twilight would be fun, but I’d go one step further. Imagine merging a classic 80’s action movie like Commando with some of this urban fantasy crap. Arnie armed with god dman M60 and endless ammunition laying waste to namby pamby sparkly vampires. Fuck yeah, I’d watch that. But why stop there, how about The Terminator and Lord of the Rings… Hunter killers mowing down waves of Orcs with a chain gun. Hmmm maybe there’s a computer game in all this?

I guess the whole point of this blog entry is… well, do I need one? It’s just another rant about something that pisses me off and shitty tween vampires shit me. So if you’re looking for something thats just a little more hard hitting than Twilight, that doesn’t sparkle like some sort of crap my little pony, then get into the PRIMAL books. Heaps of violence, technology, spies, military hardware, hot girls and fast cars. Books for guys and gals who love a fast-paced thriller over a blood sucking romance novel any day of the week.

Till next time,

Jack (bringing action back) Silkstone

 

  5 Responses to “What’s with all the damn vampires?”

  1. I love the idea of The Terminator meeting Lord of the Rings. (So glad I’m not the only one who wants to see that!) As for vampires — can’t see the attraction. I freaking hate the vampire shite that is bombarding me at every turn. Something else that annoys me – these “teenage” vampires are at least a hundred years old, right? So why are they all over high school aged kids? Pedophilia much? Ick!!

    Much enjoyed your rant!

  2. Great rant very entertaining!

  3. I couldn’t have said it better my friend. There is something very wrong with a society that turns what has been traditionally considered evil and unholy into something warm, fuzzy, and fun. Today there are legions of tweens, teens, and sadly adults who worship these pitiful whiny creatures. Vampires are now more interested in love and romance with humans instead using them as a food source. They are no longer innately evil. Rather they have become tragic hero figures that are good or evil based on their feelings. The new vampire lives in modern housing and walks in daylight foregoing the dark underground lairs and coffins. They go to school and hangout in bars. Human males want to be like them and females want to bed them.

    Forget about the bad writing and awful acting. We just need a good old fashion killing machine to wipe out these undead posers!

    • Good call Kevin, you’ve got a great base for a story. A team of Special Ops guys exposing glittery vampires for what they really are. I’m toying with shooting a very short PRIMAL film showing what would happen of a pair of Tier 1 SF guys came up against a twilight vamp. Not sure how well it would be taken, have you checked out the first PRIMAL short? Check it out here.

      Think I might stick to dealing out justice to real time evil bastards.

      Jack

      • There are plenty of bastards out there to keep you and the team busy Jack. Still it might be nice to see one of those T-vamps burst into flames!

        Loved the new short. Keep up the good work and remember when the Primal series turns into a video game make sure I’m on the short list to be the voice of Vance. LOL

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