Nov 242013
 
MacDonalds Jihad

Killing 1156 times more infidels than actual Jihad.

In 2012 terrorism claimed the lives of (on average) 0.86 Americans per million. Now I don’t want to detract from the tragedy that is loss of life to the actions of extremist dick wads but these statistics are pretty low compared to the mortality rate achieved by fast food consumption. In 2012 obesity achieved a kill rate of 995 Americans per million, 1156 times terrorism.

Must be pretty damn demoralizing to look at those stats if you’re a hard line Jihadist waging a campaign of terror from dusty a shit hole in downtown Quetta. I mean, you put your heart and soul in to waging war against the infidel and you’re getting your arse kicked by a long dead Kentucky ‘Colonel’, a f#cking kid’s toy that jumps out of a box and a clown with a retarded purple friend.

burger 5

More effective than a sh#t load of semtex.

Not to mention Jihad costs a lot of cash. So Dirka Dirka douche bag is cutting back on niceties in his compound, like extra tassels on his jingle truck and a pedicure for his donkey, to continue his war. His Wahabist sponsors have been pouring money into it for decades and not getting a great return on their cash. On the other hand fast food companies are killing it, literally. In 2013 the top fifteen chains raked in 115 billion dollars. Holy shit I just choked on my cheeseburger. That means they’re making a profit of 383K per mortality. That’s a pretty sweet rate of return if you’re in the business of killing infidels.

So let’s get this straight, fast food companies are killing Americans – albeit a little less dramatically than terrorists – and they’re making a shit ton of cash doing it… This has got to be the easiest decision a Jihadi investor has ever made. Wahabists sponsoring terrorism need to get their money out of Quetta and start investing in fast food.

Does this mean that PRIMAL should re-align and start hitting the CEO’s of fast food companies? Pardon the pun but it’s food for thought.

Nov 182013
 
A heavy hunk of steel but nothing beats the FNMAG for fully-automatic firepower!

It’s a heavy bastard but nothing cuts down jungle like the FNMAG.

The Jungle sucks balls! Without a doubt it is one of the nastiest environments on earth in which to conduct military operations. No shit, everything in the damn place is trying to suck your blood, bite your arse, chafe your nuts and make your life as miserable as f#cking possible.

I’m sure that I knew most of this from previous experiences in my military career, but somehow I had forgotten and when the opportunity popped up to join a group of South East Asian Special Forces guys on a weeklong training exercise in some heavy J, I jumped on it.

Home

Took less than four hours for my hosts to whip this up. Five star jungle accommodation.

Claymore Salad

What’s got four legs and 700 balls? Claymore that’s who. Rigged for rapid deployment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve got to admit the overall experience was off the charts. Our infil involved a three-hour ride up the delta in a landing craft followed by a chopper ride into the heart of darkness and then a week of live firing, navigation, survival training and general jungle bad assert, I fired enough lead to kill the Predator five times over.

In some parts of the world frog is a delicacy. Avoid those places...

In some parts of the world frog is a delicacy. Avoid those places…

My hosts were seriously slick operators, jungle hardened warriors they could break contact with the best of them and throw up a makeshift shelter in as much time as it took me to extract my sorry arse from a particularly nasty thorn covered vine. Impressively they were also impervious to the stifling humidity… unlike me who spent the entire time drenched to the skin with either sweat and/or torrential rain. Enter my favorite parts of jungle ops, prickly heat and chafing.

I came away from this little adventure with a very healthy respect for those men who’ve actually fought in the jungle, whether it was in the Pacific Theater of WW2 or Vietnam. Without a doubt they have endured some of the shittiest conditions conceivable. Maybe in the future I’ll send Bishop and the team in to test their mettle against the J. In the meantime I’m going to avoid it all costs and get back to writing PRIMAL Mirza.

By the way, for those of you who have been asking PRIMAL Fury will be out on March 04 2014. And for those of you who have been requesting hard copies PRIMAL Unleashed and PRIMAL Vengeance will be released in paperback on Dec 03 of this year. Audiobooks will also be available and you can pre order all of them on Amazon.