Oct 112015
 

I recently read an article that’s getting a lot of traction on the web regarding the amount of Toyota Hiluxs that ISIS is banging around in. Allegedly the US Government is pissy with Toyota because somehow this is their fault. Seriously, it’s like they don’t understand the basic principles of a free market. People give Toyota money in exchange for cars. Then these people sell the cars to other people and before long they’re in the hands of ISIS, the Taliban, Boko Haram, and every other black flag waving dickhead. The real question is why do the world’s worst choose the Toyota Hilux over every other option?

That question’s easy to answer… it’s because Toyotas are built Taliban Tough. No shit I’ve seen Hiluxs take punishment that other pickups simply can’t. They’ve been strafed by miniguns, blasted by Hellfire missiles, and still keep rolling.

The Taliban Love Their TOYOTA's

The Taliban Love Their TOYOTAs

Not only does the Hilux reign supreme in the Middle East it also thrives in the harshest place in the world… Australia. Aussies are notoriously hard on their pickups and the Toyota truck is the highest selling vehicle on the market. Farmers in OZ treat these trucks with even more disrespect than the Taliban.

Don’t belive me that these things are tough? Then check out this series of torture tests that the team at Top Gear put one through.

All this evidence makes it pretty easy to see why ISIS want to drive Hiluxs. They’re cheap, they go hard, and they’re pretty much indestructible. However, if ISIS wants real street cred they need to start getting around in VW diesel Polos and Golfs. They’re not only tough but they’re also polluting the world at 10 times the rate of other cars… eco-terrorism at its best.

Oct 062015
 

Not On Ops You Didn’t.

Tooling around the web I came across this new phenomenon being endorsed by some marketing twit called Sarah Wilson. ‘I quit sugar’ is her book and damn it’s made her wealthy as f#ck. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not adverse to people helping others improve their health. Hell I’m all for it. I’m also not against people cutting back on sugars. I personally think that High Fructose Corn Syrup is a greater threat to humanity than team retard ISIS. However, I do want to issue a warning to anyone thinking about going cold turkey on sugar.

A few years ago, while deployed on ops, I decided to pull the plug on sugar. At the time I was running a very small team that was working long hours providing vital support to door kickers. These guys were some of the smartest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with and all of them remain close friends. However, my little sojourn into sugar free living nearly ended that.

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Rip It Saved My Life!!!

The first five days of my journey were dark to say the least. I got cold sweats, my hands shook, and I craved anything sweet. Sleep, when it came, was fitful and filled with dreams of donuts and Otis Spunkmeyer muffins. Seriously, they were like some kind of LSD-fueled Disney movie with angry confectionary chasing me through Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. On the sixth day a Green Beret buddy dropped off a slab of sugar-free Rip Its. That shit saved my life and kept me sane for another day.

At the conclusion of the first week my team team held an intervention. Allegedly I wasn’t the only one suffering from my sugar withdrawal. “You’re being a dick.” “For f#ck’s sake man eat a muffin or five.” “If you don’t eat some sugar we’re going to kill you.” I faced angry faces and harsh words from the guys I relied on to get the job done. It would seem that the absence of sugar turned me into a short-tempered tyrant looking for any excuse to vent. Did I fold and start consuming? Not at first. But then muffins, cookies, candy, and Timmy Hortons iced coffees started appearing on my desk. At first I resisted and the evil glares from my workers continued. Then, one day I surrendered to a packet of Twizels and before I knew it I was back on the gear. Almost instantly my team started talking to me again and the death threats ceased. Team cohesion was saved by a plastic tasting candy that I truly despise.

Why have I shared this? Do I endorse the excessive consumption of sugar? Hell no. However, like everything when consumed in moderation, it has a place. Oh, and most importantly, going cold turkey in a small team environment is a good way to get your arse kicked.

JS out.

P.S. Remember to pre-order PRIMAL Renegade so I can donate some money to help save rhinos in Africa.

P.S.S Check out these lunatic Aussies who quit sugar.