Nov 242013
 
MacDonalds Jihad

Killing 1156 times more infidels than actual Jihad.

In 2012 terrorism claimed the lives of (on average) 0.86 Americans per million. Now I don’t want to detract from the tragedy that is loss of life to the actions of extremist dick wads but these statistics are pretty low compared to the mortality rate achieved by fast food consumption. In 2012 obesity achieved a kill rate of 995 Americans per million, 1156 times terrorism.

Must be pretty damn demoralizing to look at those stats if you’re a hard line Jihadist waging a campaign of terror from dusty a shit hole in downtown Quetta. I mean, you put your heart and soul in to waging war against the infidel and you’re getting your arse kicked by a long dead Kentucky ‘Colonel’, a f#cking kid’s toy that jumps out of a box and a clown with a retarded purple friend.

burger 5

More effective than a sh#t load of semtex.

Not to mention Jihad costs a lot of cash. So Dirka Dirka douche bag is cutting back on niceties in his compound, like extra tassels on his jingle truck and a pedicure for his donkey, to continue his war. His Wahabist sponsors have been pouring money into it for decades and not getting a great return on their cash. On the other hand fast food companies are killing it, literally. In 2013 the top fifteen chains raked in 115 billion dollars. Holy shit I just choked on my cheeseburger. That means they’re making a profit of 383K per mortality. That’s a pretty sweet rate of return if you’re in the business of killing infidels.

So let’s get this straight, fast food companies are killing Americans – albeit a little less dramatically than terrorists – and they’re making a shit ton of cash doing it… This has got to be the easiest decision a Jihadi investor has ever made. Wahabists sponsoring terrorism need to get their money out of Quetta and start investing in fast food.

Does this mean that PRIMAL should re-align and start hitting the CEO’s of fast food companies? Pardon the pun but it’s food for thought.