Jul 252016
 
Head on a swivel, Poketard!

Head on a swivel, Poketard!

Yesterday, I was driving through town in my truck when I rounded a corner and was confronted by an individual standing in the middle of the road with their back to me. Instantly, I realized this was a simple-minded victim of the Pokemon Go craze that has been sweeping the world. Jumping on my brakes, I brought my two tonnes of death sled to a screeching halt, wound down my window and informed the unfortunate individual that their presence on the road was impeding my travel. It sounded more like this, “Hey, Poketard. You got a death wish? Get the hell off the road.”

Situational awareness is something that’s drilled into every soldier from day one of basic training. Calls such as “head on a swivel, eyes up space cadet, look for work, and, my personal favorite, are you f@cking blind,” will stay with us till the day we die. Unfortunately, your average Pokemon Go player hasn’t had the benefit of getting smacked in the head every time their eyes drop to the ground. So in light of that, I’ve devised a three-step training program specifically for Poketards!

images-1Step 1: Keep it in your workspace. This is pretty simple, to operate the electronic device and remain aware of your surroundings, you need to lift your noodle arms and hold it in front of your face. Then, you look past your phone every few seconds to ensure you’re not walking into a sign, pole or another person’s fist. The training technique is equally simple. See someone tooling along with their eyes down on their device? Position something in their path, preferably a large immobile object, and wait for the results.

Step 2: Head on a Swivel. Now, you’ve got your device in your workspace, and things are humming. The key here is to remain aware of your surroundings by looking past your device and turning your head from side to side. Sounds hard? It isn’t. Quickest way to help your buddy learn this is to extend your fist and run at them from a 45-degree angle. On impact scream,”Head on a swivel Poketard!”

Step 3: Get a Life. Yep, holster that brain frying iTard and get your head in the game. There’s a big bad world out there filled with real experiences, real people and cool stuff to do and see. You don’t have to be chasing invisible Tamagotchis to explore it.

Jack out.

Nov 182013
 
A heavy hunk of steel but nothing beats the FNMAG for fully-automatic firepower!

It’s a heavy bastard but nothing cuts down jungle like the FNMAG.

The Jungle sucks balls! Without a doubt it is one of the nastiest environments on earth in which to conduct military operations. No shit, everything in the damn place is trying to suck your blood, bite your arse, chafe your nuts and make your life as miserable as f#cking possible.

I’m sure that I knew most of this from previous experiences in my military career, but somehow I had forgotten and when the opportunity popped up to join a group of South East Asian Special Forces guys on a weeklong training exercise in some heavy J, I jumped on it.

Home

Took less than four hours for my hosts to whip this up. Five star jungle accommodation.

Claymore Salad

What’s got four legs and 700 balls? Claymore that’s who. Rigged for rapid deployment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve got to admit the overall experience was off the charts. Our infil involved a three-hour ride up the delta in a landing craft followed by a chopper ride into the heart of darkness and then a week of live firing, navigation, survival training and general jungle bad assert, I fired enough lead to kill the Predator five times over.

In some parts of the world frog is a delicacy. Avoid those places...

In some parts of the world frog is a delicacy. Avoid those places…

My hosts were seriously slick operators, jungle hardened warriors they could break contact with the best of them and throw up a makeshift shelter in as much time as it took me to extract my sorry arse from a particularly nasty thorn covered vine. Impressively they were also impervious to the stifling humidity… unlike me who spent the entire time drenched to the skin with either sweat and/or torrential rain. Enter my favorite parts of jungle ops, prickly heat and chafing.

I came away from this little adventure with a very healthy respect for those men who’ve actually fought in the jungle, whether it was in the Pacific Theater of WW2 or Vietnam. Without a doubt they have endured some of the shittiest conditions conceivable. Maybe in the future I’ll send Bishop and the team in to test their mettle against the J. In the meantime I’m going to avoid it all costs and get back to writing PRIMAL Mirza.

By the way, for those of you who have been asking PRIMAL Fury will be out on March 04 2014. And for those of you who have been requesting hard copies PRIMAL Unleashed and PRIMAL Vengeance will be released in paperback on Dec 03 of this year. Audiobooks will also be available and you can pre order all of them on Amazon.