Sep 152011
 

 

Vampires are starting to shit me. Every time I turn on the TV or surf the net I’m inundated by teenage, soul destroying, depressed vampires.

WTF? I mean what is the appeal of this crap? Is it being driven by tweens or sad lonely women sitting at home fantasizing about having their blood sucked by sparkly vampires?

Seriously the book market is inundated with trashy tween vampire stories. They’re the new Mills and Boon for generation X, Y and whatever the hell comes after that. As a writer it kills me to see crap story lines, shallow characters and genuinely shit house novels rolling of the shelves in the thousands. Surely we have to be at the end of this mass-produced twilight bandwagon.

I remember back when vampires were cool. Remember Blade? I know technically he wasn’t full vampire; sunlight didn’t hurt him and all that. The point is, Blade didn’t sparkle. Nope in fact he was the antichrist of sparkly romantic vampires, a muscle bound ninja fuckmaster wielding full-auto firearms, razor sharp katana and a US muscle car that snorted pure testosterone. Nothing even remotely romantic about the destruction he wielded against the blood sucking community.

Sometimes I like to fantasize about being able to take two DVDs, jam them in my Playstation and watch the resulting train smash of entertainment. Putting Blade in with Twilight would be fun, but I’d go one step further. Imagine merging a classic 80’s action movie like Commando with some of this urban fantasy crap. Arnie armed with god dman M60 and endless ammunition laying waste to namby pamby sparkly vampires. Fuck yeah, I’d watch that. But why stop there, how about The Terminator and Lord of the Rings… Hunter killers mowing down waves of Orcs with a chain gun. Hmmm maybe there’s a computer game in all this?

I guess the whole point of this blog entry is… well, do I need one? It’s just another rant about something that pisses me off and shitty tween vampires shit me. So if you’re looking for something thats just a little more hard hitting than Twilight, that doesn’t sparkle like some sort of crap my little pony, then get into the PRIMAL books. Heaps of violence, technology, spies, military hardware, hot girls and fast cars. Books for guys and gals who love a fast-paced thriller over a blood sucking romance novel any day of the week.

Till next time,

Jack (bringing action back) Silkstone